Wednesday, 27 November 2013

The Further Adventures Of Miley Cyrus's Pants

So recently Miley Cyrus continued her efforts to be all grown up by performing at The American Music Awards (which are like the Smash Hits Poll Winners Party, only not taking the piss). And the whole thing was just plain strange.

First there is the introduction of the song by "Two Chains" and Jaden Smith, which lasted 5 seconds whilst their introduction lasted 15 seconds. Yup, their own intro and walk on was 3 times longer than the thing they actually did.

This is curious, but then Miley comes on with a giant, soulless cat floating around in the background.
The cold, dead eyes of a killer.
And then it started lipsyching to everything she was singing, with an ever so slight delay which gets creepier the more you look at it. The only things that moved were it's lips and it's eyelids, all the time looming over Miley like some kind of demonic avatar of cute death as the universe explodes around it in 2ks rave CGI extravagance). And then it cries, or at least it's ears drop and what appear to be diamond like things fall out of it's pure black eyes. Is this supposed to be cute? If so it missed by a mile. Is it intended to be goofy? If so then why have it for the image of such a serious song? Is it intended to be emotional? If so then for gods' sake it put it out of its misery before it eats someone's face.

Meanwhile Ms Cyrus was resplendent in a two-piece gym-wear type affair (also with cute little kitten heads on it, possibly to mark her as favoured of The Destroyer or possibly because she thinks childish hyper-sexuality is a positive thing to promote) and then proceeded to stand in one place for the whole song. There was the odd lean-over during the 'intense moments' (or maybe it was mournful twerking) and the occasional waving of her overly bangled arms but her feet stayed firmly in place. Why such savagely cut get up that is clearly designed for dance/mobility then? Well clearly to show off her (near stationary) legs to the world! Cause she's a rebel and stuff, with the 'sexualitising' and stuff. Which is just stupid given the performance of the song and leaves her looking the most tryhard she has ever achieved (which is, in itself, quite an accomplishment).

Separately either of these two elements would simply be strange, together the juxtaposition of goofy/hellbound kitten and pseudo-sexy during breakup song just mash into a confusing mess which leaves me wondering who the hell thought it was a good idea. Which, given that she either came up with it or okayed it, means Miley Cyrus thought it was a good idea, which means that she is mad.

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